9/11/04, 1553 EST - After a long vacation from my website... I'm back. =)

Don't expect too many updates though... it's already too crazy and hectic this year... and I don't anticipate having the time to update daily... =)

Pictures... will go up soon... some new old pics are up... but new galleries from the past summer will hopefully be up within the month... haha =)

Changing to Verse of the Week... Want to start this year proclaiming my thankfulness for all the brothers and sisters in Christ who're running this race with me and that we can rest assured that as we ponder our futures, we can know that God's not finished and will complete what He started in us!

Have a blessed week!

9/26/04, 0230 EST - I'm getting pretty bad at updating this silly site... =) The Games of the VII Mini Olympiad are coming up on Saturday, October 2nd!! Expect tons of new pictures from then... =)

In other news... God is good. But that's not really news... I think this week's verse is very applicable in my life right now. =) Finding peace in Him. =)

10/4/04, 2349 EST - It gets crazier day by day. =)

But God is faithful. He's worth it. That's why I'll keep pressing on no matter what. =)

Anyway, quick update. The Games of the VII Mini Olympiad were AWESOME. da FROG seriously rocked! haha, who would ever have thought that this small team of 10 people would do well against such odds? =P

Here are some pics, so enjoy! =)

100204 - GCC - Games of the VII Mini Olympiad

P.S. Thanks to Daisy and members of da FROG for a bunch of the pictures while I was participating in events!

10/13/04, 1417 EST - Finally resolved technical issues that kept me from being able to upload the revisions to my website... enjoy the Mini-O pics! =)

10/28/04, 0053 EST - I suppose it's time for another update. =)

I can't believe it's almost November.

That's all for now. =D

Actually, so much going on... yet, I want to make time to meet up with so many people... bother me about it! =)

And lastly, encouragements from today... Not one word of all the good promises that God makes fail... looking forward to taking possession of the promises He has for me and to enter into the rest that He gives... so many of us seniors need rest. Only He can provide.

Ok, I suppose that's all for now. Have a blessed week and till next time! =)

11/21/04, 0016 EST - My neglected site received another update... =)

Basically, a bunch of old/new pics added to the 2004 - 2005 gallery. =)

Enjoy!

1/9/05, 0030 EST - Happy New Year!

Another year so quickly gone... Last semester of my college career begins in a day...

We'll see how often I update this semester... just wanted to post that new pics are up in the 2004 - 2005 gallery! =)

Enjoy!

1/10/05, 0110 EST - Thinking that I might start to use this again... it's about time... haha.

It's kinda late so I'll keep it short. Probably write some more tomorrow. Anyway, when I wake up in the morning, it will be the beginning of the end of my college career. A bit hard to grasp. I'm not sure if I'm ready. Not sure how the past 3.5 years have already gone by. Uncertain of how I'll be living in New York starting in July. It's all craziness. Or is it?

I want to make it count. I want to make the most of it. I want. I want. I want. But it's not about me... hrmm. Gotta focus. Gotta set my sights straight. Time to make things right.

Hope I've got it in me. But there I go again. It's not about me! God's already paid for me and my mistakes! Wow. Unbelievable. Too Good. Way too good to me.

So, let's see how it goes. Let's see how the rest of the story gets written. Life keeps going and I gotta get on track and make things count. So... help me. Remind me if you will?

1/20/05, 0235 EST - Hi. =) I think it's been a long while since I've posted anything really meaningful on this section of my website. I'm still debating whether or not I want to or even if I should post anything really meaningful here. Haha. =)

Anyway, my life has been quite interesting since the last time I really wrote anything of any worth here. Actually, I don't think I wrote anything here all of last semester! Most of my "News" items were notices alerting YOU that new pictures were posted. =P If I happened to manage to do even that. =)

Now that 2005 has rolled in with full-force, and my website has just recently passed its third birthday since its inception in 2002, I've decided that it's time for a real update. =D

So what's going on in my life right now... mmm, quite a bit actually. And a lot had gone on last semester that precluded me from being able to regularly update this site. To put it in one word, I'd say "trials". Extreme trials. I think it'd be safe to say that the past semester was the utmost worst five months of the twenty-one years that have been my short life here on this earth. [But I guess it's what I remember most vividly and is freshest in my memory] =) So many things were going on and I definitely struggled with keeping my focus on the one thing that I know to be true. That God loves me and that He wants the absolute best for my life. Oh silly man that I am, amidst some of the most difficult times, I failed and struggled to remember why I was living.

Anyway, I'll admit that halfway through last semester, I completely broke down and lost sight of why I was living. I'm sharing this as an encouragement, though! =) When everything in my life seemed to be falling apart, not even being "tough" could keep me from breaking down and weeping. And weep I did. =) It was a sorry sight. Haha, but it's ok to weep because even Jesus wept (John 11:35). Just so you don't get it wrong, guys do not cry. We might "shed (tears) as an expression of emotion" [www.dictionary.com] when our eyeballs malfunction and start leaking. =P

So, after that sorry episode, I crawled back to a loving Father who embraced me and reminded me that it's not by my own strength that I get anything done but that it's through His grace alone... wow. As soon as I remembered that and surrendered all of my woes at His feet, the world started to look up and God smiled upon me. =) Ahh, but it doesn't end there... haha, when certain things in my life seemed like they were falling back into place, this foolish man tried once again to take things into his own hands and watched them fail miserably. =) Every time I do that, I need to kick myself and let go. Letting go... I guess that's the difficult part, eh?

I don't even know why I just wrote all this. =) Haha, it feels good though. In bible study, we're starting to investigate the book of James and trying to apply the Word into our lives. And James is definitely a book of living out our faith! Anyway, I guess this ties into the Verse of the Day in that I truly desire to be a doer of the Word and not just a hearer. What good is faith without works, right? Gotta live what I believe! =) But yeah. Every trial, every difficulty. There's a purpose. There's a lesson to be learned. Patience and perseverance to be developed. Maturity to be attained. I think I've learned a tremendous amount over the past semester. Even if it was the worst semester of my life. =) It's not over yet though. I think I have some things left to take care of that I'm afraid to. Is that just me again? I think I'm ready to try to let go and trust God.

Lastly, if you managed to read all of this... sign up for and come to GCC Congregational Retreat next week from January 28th-30th!! You do NOT want to miss it! God will speak to you if you come in faith. =) And when else would you get to spend almost 40-some odd hours in close quarters with a bunch of young and old crazy people who love Jesus? =) Even though it's ridicumalously cold here in Philly, the retreat will be OVERFLOWING with God's warmth!! =D So I had better see you there. =)

Alrighty, I definitely spent way longer than I intended to writing this... the new me will start next week. Haha, off to bed with me now so that I can faithfully attend my classes tomorrow from 9am-130pm attentively! Have a blessed day!!

1/21/05, 0335 EST - A song of praise that's been convicting me lately. I think it neatly summarizes my current state of mind. =)

Lord, we need Your grace and mercy
We need to pray like never before
We need the power of Your Holy Spirit
To open Heaven's door

Chorus:
Spirit, touch Your church, stir the hearts of men,
Revive us Lord, with Your passion once again.
I want to care for others, like Jesus cares for me
Let Your rain fall on me, Oh Lord,
Let Your rain fall on me.

Lord, we humbly come before You
We don't deserve of You what we ask
But we yearn to see Your glory
Restore this dying land

- Spirit, Touch Your Church, Kim Bollinger

Honestly, I seriously need to pray like never before. I'm so in need. In need of grace. In need of mercy. In need of the power of the Holy Spirit. In need of revival. In need of more of Christ in my life!

Retreat is coming up next week. Time is short and there's a lot that I want to do this semester. I want to be used to glorify His name. I want to give my all and live what I believe. I'm not a Christian because I go to church. I am a follower of Jesus who desires wholeheartedly to give all that I am for Him who deserves it all. =)

So thankful. Always thankful. Through it all, He is, and has always been, in control.

Today was an opportunity to set things right. Surrendering it all before Christ. I hope that I can be a better brother and conduct myself in such a way that it will be Jesus that people see in what I do.

A lot of disjointed unrelated thoughts. =) But yeah, my God is a God of second chances. And third chances. And beyond anything I can imagine. And He forgives and wants to bless even though I manage to screw up over and over. Haha.

This afternoon, I looked around and compiled a sheet that I hope will aid me in my time with my Father. =) It's a great resource that I used when I read through the NIV translation. Thought I'd share it for anyone who could use it. Click Here to Download the "Bible in 3 Years" Checklist. Basically, it's designed that you check off one box per day as you read through the Word... but the Word is my daily bread so I hope I'll be able to finish in much less time than 3 years. =)

Ok, I think I should not stay up so late... Haha, I don't think I'm making much sense anymore. Ok, that's all for now then. Till next time. =)

1/22/05, 0123 EST - Deeper.

I want to go deeper
But I don't know how to swim
I want to be meeker
But have you seen this old earth?
I want to fly higher
But these arms won't take me there
I want to be, I want to be

Maybe I could run
Maybe I could fly, to you
Do you feel the same
When all you see is
Blame in me?

And the wonder of it all is that I'm living just to fall more in love with you (x2)

I want to go deeper
But is it just a stupid whim?
I want to be weaker
Be a help to the strong
I want to run faster
But this old leg won't carry me
I want to be, I want to be

Maybe I could run
Maybe I could fly, to you
Do you feel the same
When all you see is
Blame in me?

And the wonder of it all is that I'm living just to fall more in love with you (x2)

Maybe I could run
Maybe I could follow
It's time to walk the path
Where many seem to fall
Hold me in your arms
Just like any father would
How long do we have to wait?
How long, we're going all the way

And the wonder of it all is that I'm living just to fall more in love with you.

- Deeper, Deliriou5?

It's already 2005. It's my last semester of college. It's the final stretch. I want to go deeper. I want to build relationships that will last. I want to make it count! A few more months. That's all we really have. Let's seriously breakthrough. Let's be real with one another, eh? No more superficial fakeness. I'm ready to be vulnerable. Are you? =)

It's time to go old school, baby. Living it up just like the good ol' HSM days. Let's make HisStory!

2/1/05, 0142 EST - My God is an Awesome God who reigns in heaven above with wisdom, power & love! =) GCC Congregational Retreat was exactly what I needed. It wasn't anything really new or earth-shattering but God really just reminded me of His faithfulness. This journey will not always be easy... and the short-term outlook appears pretty dismal but I know I am being stretched and prepared for my purpose ahead!

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6 ESV

Being a second semester senior, it's easy to think that I'm an ol' dinosaur... it's about perspective, right? And at 21, I'm in the flock of old people compared to the 17-18 year old freshmen. =) Anyway, I suppose 21 ain't old. Not in light of 120 years that I could potentially live if Jesus doesn't come back first. =P

But yes, God's been reminding me that, like Joseph, I've got a lot to learn... many trials and difficulties that will lead me closer to Him but it's a process that will prepare me for His purposes. I'm excited. =D

Oh yes, several new galleries have been added including pictures from the 2005 GCC Congregational Retreat!

Also, I've added a section where I'm posting some of the short video productions that I've created over the years... Enjoy! =)

2/6/05, 0129 EST - Blessed. So blessed.

It's odd. I've been really blessed through random songs lately... =)

God's just been reminding me of my identity in Christ. I know who I am. And I'm constantly amazed just at how God reaches out to me and speaks to me.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt,

Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart,

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are,

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am..
I am Yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love,
and watch me rise again,

Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me,

- Who Am I, Casting Crowns

Had an awesome week. Just amazing. =)

I hope I was able to encourage and bless the people that God's been bringing into my life! And I pray that God'll empower me to keep loving people as He desires for me! I wanna care for others like Jesus cares for me!!! =)

Now... for some "Deep Thoughts"... =)

I've come up with a couple of random analogies for my life. haha, mmm... =P

1. Characterizing my personality and how I tend to do things: I'm like a reckless poker player. If you're unfamiliar with Hold 'Em, basically, everyone's dealt two cards; there's a round of betting; three community cards are shown (the flop); another round of betting follows; then another card (the turn) and finally the last community card (the river) with a round of betting after each card.
   So, going all-in (basically everything you've got) pre-flop might be seen as pretty reckless. Yeah, I think I like to do that in general. Throw all my chips in when I think I know what's going on. Jump in with both feet. No holding back. All my energy, passion and enthusiasm. All or nothing. I can't say whether that's good or bad in general. =) It's been good in some areas of my life while not so good in others. But we'll see. When all else fails, fresh tactics. (know where that's from? =P) Haha, let's come back in one year (if I still have a website) and see how that worked out. =P
2. Ok. Don't take this one too seriously or be offended. =)
   So, I was thinking about Joseph's life and how he had to go through a lot before God was able to use him in a way beyond anything he might have imagined... and thinking about how I still have such a ways to grow and so much to learn before God will even be near completing that work that He started in me. Then, since I've been going through Genesis, I started thinking about the history of Israel, God's people, and trying to fit parallels for my life... And I think I found some! =P
   1. Phase I, Abraham - Jacob: Initially, God called Abraham out of the land of his fathers and brought him to the Promised Land where he and his family lives through Jacob's time. So, roughly translated, the early years of God's people in the Promised Land... my time in LA from elementary school through high school. =)
   2. Phase II, Joseph & the Exile in Egypt: The story continues when Joseph is sold by his brothers into slavery and ends up in Egypt. Long story short, God's people end up in Egypt for 400 years in slavery. This period of exile translates to... my four years at Penn. =P
   3. Phase III, Moses & 40 years in the Wilderness: After the period of exile, God brings His people out of slavery and leads them back towards the Promised Land. But, they wander in the Wilderness for 40 years... which I'll say will be the next however-many years beginning in New York.
   4. Phase IV, Joshua & the Promised Land: This is it. Finally made it back! This marks the day when I can re-settle in SoCal... =P

   Mmm... yeah, haha, there're a lot of holes in the story. It isn't meant to be taken seriously or literally or anything. At most, entertaining. =)

Haha, but yes. The truth of the matter is that wherever God takes me, I know that He knows what He's up to and that He'll stretch me and mold me and use me for the best purposes He has in store for me and I'm excited to do His work.

I think the question that remains is: Am I a sender, equipper, or goer? =) I shall try to tackle that next time.

In the meantime, have a blessed Sunday and don't forget to spend time with Jesus today!

2/9/05, 0310 EST - Today, as in yesterday, Tuesday, February 8th, was an awesome day. =)

Even though it started at 0830 (which is ridicumalously early for college students, it really isn't that bad when you think about the rest of my life. For instance, my bro BP was waking up at the same time that I was... except that he's in California. Crazy, huh? =P), the rest of the day was good. =)

Yeah, other than classes, I received a package today that brightened my day. =) My guitar finally got a stand. Yay!

After an afternoon nap, preparations for family group took place which was fun. Although I thought today's bible study material was a bit difficult, I think it went pretty well and I hope that we'll be a changed people who will remember to love everyone equally just as God does. =)

From 2200 to now... which is about 4.5 hours, I've had a remarkable time producing some baked goods which I hope I was able to brighten people's evenings with! I truly do enjoy visiting with people... even though tonight turned more into delivery runs rather than quality conversational time, it was still good for me. Next time though! But yes, I'm getting somewhat aged. (Haha, in light of the rest of the life I might be living, I've a ways to go, but it's fun to joke around about my old age. =P)

Well, just wanted to share today's verse (Matthew 21:22) as a reminder to pray in faith. Sometimes I wonder why this or that... and realize I haven't really prayed about it in faith. It's not like God, who loves me oh-so-very-much, would not bless me... but He loves to bless so much and if only I would ask, He has so much to give. And if only I would ask, He has answers for me. And not just for me... but for YOU too! So let's pray!! =)

Alrighty, even though this is already getting really long... I think I'll go on just a little bit longer. =)

So... who am I? Or rather, why am I here? These are some deep questions that I've been asking myself lately... and that I'm praying about (and maybe you can pray for me, too!) and seeking direction for. Well, not really. I guess I'm just impatient to know what my future holds in store for me... haha, that's just my personality. But I know that my God is faithful and He's already shown me the next step... and now, I just need to be faithful in the little things such that He'll keep blessing what I do until I'm ready for the big things that He's planning for me. It's so exciting! I believe that, like Joseph, there's a lot that I'll need to go through before I'll be ready to rule Egypt (well, not literally, but something big!! =P).

So, in the long term... shall I be a sender? am I meant to be an equipper? or am I really a goer??

I really don't know yet. I think I could be any and all of them. I've briefly already been all three in my short twenty one years on this planet but I'm certain that it hasn't nearly even begun yet.

Strange though. I always thought I'd be a sender. Maybe I am. I do enjoy business, don't I? Perhaps one day, I'll use the financial resources of a mighty business empire to do God's will by enabling others to go forth to the ends of the earth by supporting hundreds of thousands of workers to reap the harvest. Gotta aim high and dream big to accomplish big things! =)

Or maybe, I can be an equipper and train others and mobilize the forces that go... I've taken part in training and preparing missions teams. Exciting!

But might I be a goer and leave everything I know behind to go into the remote areas of the earth to reach isolated people groups that nobody has ever heard of? Now that could be one crazy adventure!

<sigh> But it's not time yet. One day, the day might come, but I'm going to be faithful in the roles that I've been put in for today.

Such craziness. Living for God isn't boring. It's spectacular if you'll let Him open the doors and lead you! =)

But amidst all of that, I hope I'll get to accomplish one of my only solid goals and dreams... even if I don't end up building a mighty business empire to finance God's kingdom work, or training and equipping hundreds and thousands of kingdom workers to go out and spread the gospel, or going to a remote area of the planet and share the love of Christ to isolated peoples... to build a family grounded in God's love and demonstrate Christ's love in everyday life. I have simple dreams... but I'm willing to dream bigger. =)

Yikes. I think that's enough... =) Thanks for dropping by and hope you have a blessed day!!

2/14/05, 0016 EST - Happy Valentine's Day! =)

Mmm... the Class of 2005 Valentine's Dinner was a tremendous success! What an amazing time of fellowship and demonstration of the love that we have in Christ.

Sunday was a really packed day... and I'm still processing the inputs that I've received throughout the day including God's word spoken through our brother Ashok and the rest of the afternoon/evening...

I'm currently in no physical nor mental shape to continue this post so my "deep" thoughts will have to wait...

Enjoy the pictures!

3/4/05, 1600 EST - 45 minutes till I leave to go pick up the vans that 27 of us will be taking down to Orlando, FL for spring break this year!

Craziness! Haha =)

God is awesome! Can't stop grinning like this: =D

3/16/05, 0229 EST - Not too much to say. I'm sick. Bleh. It's not cool being sick.

Yeah, it's been a crazy time since my last update. Spring break was tons of fun, crazy, and mad-tiring! =) Lots of pics to come soon from all the different cameras that were in action! For now, just enjoy the new Picture of the Day! =P

The past few days have been draining. Fighting illness while trying to get back into school mode and other stuff. And sometimes, things take an unexpected turn and one finds oneself looking to God for direction. Yeah, Proverbs is so full of wisdom... I could post for weeks and weeks from Proverbs. =)

Ok, I think I'll try some Nyquil tonight instead of the Chilean drugs I've been using after my source of Dayquil ran dry. Haha, yeah, these random drugs haven't really been helping me much.

Hope you're having a better week than I and in good health! It's tough trying to run this race when the body is failing. Please pray for me! =)

3/17/05, 1943 EST - All of Wednesday disappeared while in bed. I briefly remember an emergency alarm going off and having to vacate my room. I think I'll live now. =)

Oh yeah, much anticipated Spring Break 2005 pictures are up. =)

3/22/05, 2243 EST - Redemption.

It's the central message of the gospel! Jesus Christ came to this earth to die for the sins of all mankind so that we could be reconciled with God! His story is the story of our redemption!

And God is so faithful in soooo many ways. Even when I demonstrate weakness in my life and stumble and fall, He holds unto me and guides me and restores me. No matter how many times it happens! God brings redemption in so many areas of my life.

So today, I'd like to thank God for His Power in redeeming me. That He loved me so much that He would send His Son to die on the cross so that I could taste eternal life with Him.

And not only that, for redeeming things that I tend to screw up in my life. I'm sorry for my moments of weakness and for allowing self-doubts and fears to cloud my judgment and get in the way of a gift from God. But thank you for your strength and I pray that God will keep pouring His blessings down in times to come. =)

Trying to surrender everything to Him once again throughout this week!

3/26/05, 0026 EST - God just reminds me every day of how much He loves me. And that His love is the only love that I can always depend on. Thank You Jesus for the cross. You loved me then; You love me now; and You will always love me unconditionally! Speechless.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." - 1st Corinthians 13:4-8a ESV

4/1/05, 0412 EST - Hmm... Happy April Fool's Day?

Yeah, so it's 4AM, I'm not feeling creative enough to actually pull a prank. Haha. Yeah... I guess that's what happens when you get old... actually, I just thought of one! Haha... hmm, not sure if it really applies though. We'll see. =P

Anyway, since I can't seem to be getting anything else done, I thought I might update this silly thing. =)

It's been about a week since I last updated... and a lot has gone on in that time. Let's see. Yeah, I can't even recall. It's been hectic. Haha. =)

Anyway, yeah, I have a lot to do. I just finished writing 2.5 papers today. Short ones, mind you, but still time-consuming. And that's not to mention two more papers I have coming up that are 3-5 and 10 pages respectively. And all that on top of my thesis. And I have about 3 or 4 more papers coming up before I can call my college career over.

In other news, I realized that I currently have 10 different kinds of meat in my freezer. Well, I guess not 10 different kinds, but 10 different preparations? Haha. Yeah, it's crazy. =)

But yeah, I've determined that the quality of the food that I eat any given day is generally a good indicator of how my week might be going. How's that you might ask? Well, let's think about it. Eating for me takes a lot longer than most people. For starters, I don't have dining. That means that I either need to cook every meal or go eat out. If I eat out, that usually means food trucks or similar. If I cook, that also means between 15 minutes to an hour of preparation time as well as 15-30 minutes of clean up. So, if I'm cooking a lot of meals in a given day or week, that must imply that I have a lot of time to be doing so! Now, I guess that's where things gets slightly tricky. Cuz no matter how busy I get, I need to eat. Hrmm. Maybe I need to think this through a little bit more. =P Haha, nah. It still makes sense. It's all about quality. Quality takes time. And so if I don't have time but still cook, I make something of not as high quality. Haha.

However, it's been a deceptive week in that I've misallocated my time to feeding myself instead of doing work.

One of these days I shall suffer for it.

In other news, I changed my school password. Hmm, I might not be able to upload this site... shoot. Let's see. Haha =)

4/4/05, 1041 EST - Ok. So after 4 days of being without access to my internet or anything Wharton-related, my access has been restored. Finally. Haha, no wonder I had no idea what to do all weekend cuz I didn't have my Outlook to dictate my life. Sad. =)

4/10/05, 0010 EST - So I'm sitting here in front of my computer deciding to update this site rather than complete some of the things I should be doing... according to my Outlook... I currently have 15 Active tasks of which 2 are overdue. <sigh>

Today was a good day. Well, yeah. Thank you sophomores for the love you demonstrated that we didn't deserve. I wish I could have done, or rather, would've done more for you guys these past 2 years.

Eh, I think I'm currently finding myself in that place between the bed and the wall. Probably one person knows what that means and he probably doesn't even read this site. =) Anyway, yeah, blah. I have so much to do. But I've lost the motivation to do it. Even as I look at the VoD I have posted, I know what I should be doing and who I'm living for... yet, gahhh. I feel inconsistent and inadequate.

His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I'm weak. So weak. Help. Please?

Yeah. Ok. Trying to get stuff done... I seriously sleep too much. I feel like I'm going to get seriously reprimanded by God for my "lots of sleep, lots of slumber..." Agh.

Ok. I'm going to try to get a grip of things and live now. I want to live.

4/10/05, 0243 EST - i wanna go home... please please please? yeah ok. i know it's not my time yet. but can't You just come and get me now? no? can You at least help me see it all as pure joy? of coure You will. will You be my strength and guide me through my life? yeah ok. i know You've never failed me and You'd never let me endure more than i could bear, but why do i need these lessons? yeah yeah preparation for the bigger battles ahead. i know. ok fine. i'll get up again. put on my armor. march out and try to do as You command.

it's awesome knowing the Creator of the Universe loves me and has a wonderful plan for me. but it's impossible to argue with Him. He sees everything and knows everything and even though sometimes i don't understand, He always has my best interests in mind. even during these times when it all seems to be eating me away and killing me. when i just want to give up and go home, deep inside, i know that's not the answer <sigh>

4/10/05, 1731 EST - I've been most unproductive in these past few weeks. And I must repent for I haven't been doing all that I do with all my heart, as working for the Lord. I keep forgetting who I am. I let the world get to me. But I think I'm getting up. Slowly, but surely.

On another academic note, if I don't get my act together right now I'm basically throwing away what God's done with me in the past four years. No more sleeping, no more slumbering, no more folding of my hands to rest. Nearing the end of this battle and needing to give it my best for His glory.

4/11/05, 2152 EST - Today was such an amazingly beautiful day. Reminded me of SoCal. =P But yeah, walking around campus taking in the fresh air, admiring the flowers blooming on the trees, and listening to the birds chirping really reminded me of how awesome God's creation is! Which is so reminiscent of the amazing time I had abroad during the fall of 2003. Today's new PoD just brought back a lot of memories from my time abroad... God's creation is just breath-taking! Sooo beautiful. Just a small sample from what I submitted for a photo contest... guess which one won! =)

Anyway, it's been an interesting weekend. For part of it, I tried to wallow in my despair at living in this fallen world and really desiring to escape and go home. But God always restores hope to me and reminds me of how much He loves me. Haha, it's awesome. As I struggled, He had me prepare a bible study on "Patience in Suffering" for this week on James 5:7-12. The irony of it. =)

Today's VoD is one that's shown up on my Verse of the Day Archives three times already, but it's one that I often consider along with the passages from James 1:2-5 on how to approach trials and difficulties. =) Suffering => Endurance => Character => Hope!

Anyway, I had an ultra-productive day yesterday and I am somewhat back in the groove and ready to take on another day for Him! =) Three weeks of craziness, and my college career will be officially over. Insanity!

Welps, hope you had a wonderfully blessed day as I did and that this week will see God speaking wonders into your life! I sure am seeking His will and asking that He'll direct me as I strive to honor and obey Him in my decisions throughout this week!

Oh, on another note, I've broken the 10k visitors barrier! Crazy! =)

4/19/05, 0122 EST - It's almost the end. It's almost impossible to believe but it is! In less than 11 hours, I'll be finished with the last class of my college career. Within a week, I'll hopefully be finished with everything but my senior thesis. In two weeks, I'll be able to say that I'm completely done and that graduation is the only thing that is holding back. I'm amazed at what God's done these past four years. I can't believe it's going to be my "Grad Nite" at GCC this Friday. I'd been looking forward to this day for so long... and now that it's imminent, I don't know if I'm ready for it!

Originally, this post was going to be about dreams. But I'll postpone that for next time. =) I wanted to update the Verse of the Day and Picture of the Day and saw an interesting trend. Do you see it?

Haha, yeah, I think all I can do is echo my last post about the beauty of spring. I wonder what it must've been like in the Garden of Eden before sin entered the world. I bet it was 100x more beautiful than springtime. So, I'm from one of the few paradises on this earth... yes, you already know: SoCal! =P But, I must say that Philadelphia is beautiful this time of year. For this short week or so, before it gets nasty and humid, I must say that I enjoy being here and being immersed in God's magnificent creation. Well, what's sparsely scattered among man-made buildings anyway. =) As I was walking down Locust Walk, I saw the LOVE sculpture with spring flowers blooming around it and the American flag fluttering behind it. It made me think of how much God loves me that he would allow me the privilege to serve Him and live for Him here. And linking to today's VoD, I even wrote a few days ago in my testimony "draft" for this Friday about how I'd trust my life to my brothers in Christ. And it's only because of God's amazing transforming love.

I think one of the changes that I notice in me over these past few years is that I've gotten soft. Haha, yeah... no, that doesn't mean that I cry. Guys never cry. (We might weep as Jesus did, but never cry). It means that I think I've become more sensitive and feel more emotion than I used to. <gasp!> I don't know whether to be disturbed or to be thankful. I remember that I used to be so angry at myself when I could feel emotion as I thought about what Jesus did for me. I used to be so hard-hearted. I've not become completely soft and emotional unstable but I'll admit that recently, as I was watching certain moving scenes (in a war movie at that!), I felt some strange feelings inside as if I was experiencing what was going on in the scene and stuff... yeah. But yeah, I need to be reminded constantly of Jesus' sacrifice for me to motivate me to keep pressing on because I'm here as a soldier in His service.

One more day. This chapter is ending soon. Looking forward to everything that God has in store for me even as this chapter wraps up and I begin to write the next pages of HisStory that is my life!

4/23/05, 0151 EST - The Friday in April marking the last day of classes at Penn is definitely a crazy and hectic one. It marks Hey Day for the juniors becoming seniors at Penn... and more importantly, it's the evening of the annual Grace Covenant Church Grad Nite. And this year... it was mine. I find it hard to believe that four years have already gone by and that even Grad Nite has come and gone!

It's late and I need to get to sleep as soon as these pictures hurry up and get posted up. I'm sure that's all everyone wants to see anyway. =P

So yeah, in closing this post, just wanted to share Hebrews 10:23-25 again. If I haven't met up with you lately... let's do it!! =)

Meanwhile, tons of new pictures are up in the Photo Galleries so go enjoy! =)

4/25/05, 0315 EST - In about 13 hours or so, I should have finished my last exam of my college career. So many "lasts" as these days go by. I guess it'll go on until the day I start work. July 24th will be my last day of freedom before the beginning of the rest of my life. =)

I've been reading through Isaiah recently, and even as I've been thinking about some of the things that have been occupying my mind lately, I realize that I'm afraid to trust God completely. In my heart, I think I know that God would only want the best things for me and that He has my life carefully crafted to perfection. Yet, in living it out daily, it's a difficult proposition to tackle. Even while knowing that the trials that we go through every day are part of growing and that their ultimate purpose will be to build my perseverance and character and continue in finishing the work that God began in me, sometimes I must admit that I'm afraid. It's not that I'm afraid of what's going to happen next, it's more that I'm afraid of the moment when I realize that my course is set. Even thinking back to last semester, part of the reason I struggled so much was that I refused to surrender completely. I thought that I had to prove my worth and get a job on my own merits. Or maybe it was more of a pride issue. But God showed me that His way was better and now I'm actually looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I'm not sure how I'll fare next year. If the Lord wills, I pray that I'll be able to work diligently in NY as for the Lord and keep running hard after Him till He leads me to the next place.

As this chapter of college comes to an end, I see so many things ending and loose ends wrapping up... even while new things are beginning and I wonder what it all means. The end of high school meant an almost total completion and a totally different life in college where I felt like I started almost completely over. Will it be like that next year? I hope not. I'd like to believe that everything of the past four years has not been for naught but that even a year from now, I'll be able to say that while this chapter of college has ended, I didn't have to start young adult life from scratch but that the foundations of college will propel me higher.

God reminds me time and time again to trust in Him and to surrender my life into His capable hands. Fear not. Do not worry. Trust. Believe. Take a leap of faith and experience His goodness.

Thinking about graduation is still surreal. I don't think I'm going to actually believe it till I take that subway on July 25th and go to Times Square to begin work. Crazy.

But that's enough deep reflecting for now. God is good to me and I want to sing praises while skipping down Locust Walk! Have a blessed day! =)

5/4/05, 0536 EST - It's been a while since I've updated. I have no idea where the days have gone or what I've been doing.

Actually, I do. Most of the past week was spent finishing up and revising my thesis. Thanks EL for letting me use your laptop all week and BL for letting me steal your mouse. =)

Anyway, it's almost 6AM and I'm still awake and not feeling tired. Or maybe I'm just in denial. Two or three hours ago, I finished up the final revisions for my thesis and printed two copies which I'll go bind in a few hours and hand in. After that, I suppose I'm "officially" through with my college career, huh? Crazy.

The past week truly has been hectic. It's been both a time of great joy and success as well as one of tough realizations and acceptance of reality. In a way, I suppose that I lost track of the days because I've not really been completely "with it." =) Every day I keep asking, what day is it?? and I think it's Tuesday/Wednesday now. Some things seem like they happened years ago when it was just yesterday. Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet? Others feel like they just happened yesterday when it's been years. Strange how the mind works.

Anyway, regardless of all the craziness of "last" everythings that'll keep happening into the next week or so... I'm clinging on to the promise that God'll finish what He started in me and that everything that happens in my life is for a purpose (no matter how much I can't see it) and I'm doing my best to have faith and believe that it's what He wants. Gosh, the fact that I'm going to NY speaks volumes about His will over mine! =)

Dude, it's already Wednesday. And I need to start saying "dude" again instead of this "dawg" business that I picked up from all these Philadelphians around me. Dude, I can't believe BP and KF are coming to Philly to chill. Dude, I can't believe we're graduating... or that "real life" is beginning. Well, it already began for BP but hey, now the rest of us are joining the party. Dude!! Haha, yeah, lots of good times...

I've been wasting away lately... I'm concerned about this summer. What am I doing? What should I be doing? Or what do I want to be doing? Or better yet, what does God want me to do? =) It's only a short month or so that I have off... and I wonder if any of my ideas are at all feasible. My last summer... yikes. I need something to keep me occupied otherwise... I'll not make it. Haha, looking back, there was always something that kept me clinging onto God. Some were good, some weren't. But the end result was the same. What'll it be this year?

Yeah, ok. It's getting late... or early... the sun's coming up over the horizon... well, not that I can see it but it's getting light outside my window. I should get to sleep so I'm not completely out-of-it tomorrow. =)

Alrighty, this was such a off-the-wall post. I don't even know if it was coherent because I don't think I am right now... =) So, hope everyone is sleeping right now... and to those finishing up their finals... the goal is in sight! Finish strong!!