Dan Park's Homepage

Happy Dominican Republic Independence Day!! =)

Though I’ve spent quite a bit of time working in Santo Domingo, I just realized that I didn’t even know that the DR gained its independence from Haiti back in 1844! Then again, it took me many months in the DR before I finally knew more than exactly three places (the hotel, the client office and the airport) and that Santo Domingo has a lot of history of “1st”s in the Americas (first permanent European settlement, first colonial capital, first cathedral, first university, etc.) so I guess it’s not so surprising. =)

I think I’ve been here way too often given that this is my second time witnessing the massive celebrations and parade along the coast right in front of my hotel! (Security was really intense because the president was probably within 200 yards of my hotel and 500 yards of my hotel room? I think there were also some American important people because of all these suits walking around with earpieces speaking English!) =)

But back the purpose of this post… In anticipation of the ramblings that are about to finally get extracted from the inner depths of my brain to the small subset of my friends who may actually read this (and I guess the general public?), I actually just read a handful of my more recent posts (more recent meaning within the last year given the infrequency of my posts lately!) to reflect on how my thoughts may or may not have changed.

Perhaps sadly, if I were to copy-paste some of what I was thinking in August, November and December of last year… a lot of it might still be the same? Maybe it’s that working life remains pretty static unlike the constant ups and downs of student life? =) Truthfully, the only things that may actually be different between now and a year ago is that I’m a year older, I’ve seen a promotion, I taught myself to drive stick-shift and I became a certified scuba diver?

Some excerpts of what may still apply today?:

• Over the past few weeks, ever since I’ve been back working locally out of the NY office, I’ve been telling myself to go to the gym… But instead, all I’ve been doing is eating a LOT, sitting on my butt all day, and doing everything BUT go to the gym. =) – December 14, 2007 [Yeahhh... haha, the guys at the dive shop who I haven't seen since... October/November commented on my "larger" size today. =P]
• It’s only been a few days since the AMI conference in Los Angeles… and yet, it already feels like it happened months or even years ago!
  …
  I am completely torn up by AMI… and retreats in general. As much as I love to spend time with my fellow brothers and sisters in both fellowship and worshiping God… it totally sucks when it ends.
  After a retreat of spending several days in the constant company of like-minded folks… to have it yanked away and be cast back into the solitude of the traveling consultant lifestyle?? – November 13, 2007 [Just substitute "2008 RWC Congregational Retreat in Somewhere, NY" for "AMI conference in Los Angeles"]

• No serious issues. Work is going well, albeit a bit chaotic at times. Friends, well… I never see them anymore. But I’ve gotten used to the solitary life. Not to say that I enjoy it… but it’s bearable. And I’ve found a new hobby that allows me to experience nature while meeting new people and that I can enjoy while I’m young and free. – August 9, 2007

So…

Where to start? =)

The problem with posting so infrequently is that all these thoughts just get jumbled up in my mind and there’s really no clear rhyme or reason to what happens to make its way to the forefront of my thoughts at any given moment! Maybe that’s why I posted every 2-3 days during that first year of working life to alleviate my constantly overworked mind? =)

So the retreat…

Over the years, as I’ve returned from numerous retreats/conferences, etc., I’ve noticed that people ask, “How was the retreat?” And, that most people respond with a simple, “It was good!” and that’s that. Actually, I could probably simplify that statement to include any question such as, “How was your week?”, “How was your day?”, “How was your trip?”, “How was small group?”, “How was service?”, “How was the interview?”, “How was… [insert whatever you want to ask!]?”! =)

With the busy lives that everyone seems to try to lead (and I’m as guilty as the next person), I think that we’re just being polite in asking… and even in responding . Because, really, when someone asks “How was your day?” , how often will one respond, “Terrible” ? It’s just asking for trouble! Either, the asker will be thrown off by the unexpected response and an awkward silence will ensue… or the asker will politely follow up asking “Why?” and potentially endure a longwinded response! So, we just say “Good” and everyone is happy!

Yeah… I’m still beating around the bush and trying to not address my reflections upon this most recent retreat. =)

Maybe this is how I knock off the uninterested reader who will not have made it this far. Haha, if you’re still reading… here goes!

I think that I’ve determined from this past retreat that I’ve been living in a state of extreme fear . Sure, I could say a lot of other things to mask what’s really going on deep inside… but as I’ve peeled back layer after layer… my conclusion, and final answer, is that recently… I’ve tried to hide, mask, distort, and/or deny that I’ve been hiding from God because I’m just afraid .

Instead of likening these past few years in NY to the wilderness years of Israel, perhaps I should have been likening myself to Jonah’s days in the fish’s gut? =) I need a big fish (whale shark anyone? =P) to swallow me up and knock me upside the head so that I’ll truly seek God and get back on track with what He’s set out for me?

With that said… I think I can dive right in to the various areas of my life for which I may be afraid…

My Future – Even though I know and believe the promises of Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 1:6, I think I’m afraid to trust God… Oh ye of little faith! Help my unbelief!!

To be more specific, I am anticipating that 2008 will truly be a year of change as compared to 2007 and 2006 which seem to have gone by in a ridiculously quick blur!

Within the next few months, I will be leaving behind life as I’ve come to know it over the past 3 years.

No more work. No more weekly travel!! No more elite status! (referencing previous posts) =)

But really, maybe in my old age, I’ve become a fan of the status quo! =) Change scares me a little bit.

Maybe more than a little bit?

As much as I’m looking forward to moving to a new city, starting school again, etc… perhaps, beneath that layer of eager anticipation lies an undercurrent of fear of change, of moving to a new city where I don’t know too many people and will have to establish new roots/friendships, etc.

I’m sad to think that in a few short months, I’ll be forced to leave behind my church, small group and friends in NY… especially more so because I feel that I haven’t had the opportunity to really develop these relationships due to the nature of my job. =/

And business school. I think most people have probably heard that I was applying to school? And many have probably heard either from me or others, that I’ve been accepted at one of the three schools I applied to? =)

I’m thankful and praise God for opening up one door of three that I knocked on when I realize that there are many who have
applied to many more schools than I did and have been turned down from all in such a competitive year as this!

Yet, at the end of the day, there still remains that slightest possibility that my ticket home to California and the end of my 7 year exile on the east coast will be revoked by God opening that partially closed door to an opportunity I could probably not turn down!

Haha, I’ve been pretty successful in not thinking too much about it as I start making plans for a chaotic summer and the beginning of another scary phase of my life!

You know what? At the end of the day, I think a lot of this is driven by a fear of failure ? Obviously, nobody likes to fail… but I’ve set and have had set for me such high expectations over the years… that it’s getting easier and easier to potentially fail!! (On the bright side, when I encounter that ultimate failure, I’ll finally have a good answer for that most awful of interview questions… “Tell me about a time you failed.” !!) =)

And I just realized another thing… It’s exactly 100 days until my little “3M 678 Plan” expires! (assuming that I get this thing wrapped up within the next 45 minutes!!) =P

Yikes! It seems like just yesterday that I wrote that there were 1000 days remaining!!

And no, I’m not really going to explain it here… other than that its purposes were similar to that of the “Twenty Plan” that was instituted back during my high school days. Maybe if you ask me offline. =)

Anyway… maybe that’s all I have to say right now?

So….

I think my traveling days are coming to an end! I want to spend more time with people developing relationships that will last and doing things that will matter for eternity! I want to stop being afraid like a little pansy and step up to be the warrior that I was created to be!! I think that means that I gotta stop thinking that I deserve all these silly earthly benefits that I’ve attained as a consultant because it’s making me soft and weakening me in my pursuit of lasting treasures in heaven!! I need to prayyyyyy!! I need to desire God wholeheartedly, but more importantly, not be afraid that He’ll rock my world upside down because I only have one life to live and I want it to count! =)

Ok, I think I’m done. One more crazy day in the DR and I think I’m back in NY for some time… now, to address the challenge of changing old habits… =)