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It’s only been a few days since the AMI conference in Los Angeles… and yet, it already feels like it happened months or even years ago!

Numerous thoughts have cycled through my mind prior to, during, and following the conference. Most of them uplifting but some of them downright depressing. So where to begin?! =)

Perhaps I’ll just start with the title and see where this progresses. Looks like this will be one of those “late night stream-of-consciousness” type entries that I seem to have been writing more of as compared to my more structured and organized posts of 2006. (Then again, what does it matter since nobody really seems to use Xanga anymore? =P)

Anyway, so the AMI conference occurred during the latter part of last week in Los Angeles from Thursday, November 8th through Saturday, November 10th. The fact that I had to get to LA wasn’t too out of the ordinary since I’ve done the long commute from the SDQ through MIA to get to LAX before and I’ve been flying essentially every week for more than a year. This trip was special because it marked my crossing the 100,000 mile threshold to finally achieve Executive Platinum status on American Airlines.

100,000 miles . I’ve basically flown around the earth more than 4 times on AA during this calendar year. And that’s not counting the numerous trips I’ve made on other airlines. Yikes.

Executive Platinum . I’ve had to travel so much this year that I’ve now joined the club of approximately 60,000 members who are privileged (or cursed perhaps?) to be held in the highest regard by AA (because we generate a lot of revenue for the airline) and to receive the perks of being recognized as highly valued elite customers.

Maybe all this would’ve been a non-event had it not taken place on my way to AMI but along with some other things that have been going on lately… but alas, since I haven’t written anything substantial in months, I’ve had a lot tucked away in the back of my mind for a time like this. (And I better get it all out pretty quickly because I need to get up in a few hours to go to work!!)

So why has this put me in a contemplative mood?

Basically, I think it’s because it’s done . As of this moment, I have not only reached the highest status (published anyway… I think there might be some secret super-duper-ultra-special elite levels that aren’t generally known about) on American Airlines, but I’ve also achieved the highest level of elite status for Marriott and second-tier status on other hotels and airlines as well.

Why is this relevant?

Because, it’s made me think about life. About what’s important. About how meaninglessness of all this. Trying to move up in the world. Level up. Get promoted. About how I’ve spent the past two going on three years. About the sacrifices and choices I’ve made. About where I’m going and what I’m doing with my life.

Actually, more than making me really think about these things, perhaps I’ve just been jolted into thinking that I ought to consider all these things!

I’ve basically been hectically running around (actually, literally flying around) for probably every week of the past 15 months with perhaps only 2 or 3 weeks where I didn’t have to travel… and this has been for both work and leisure. Leisure doesn’t really seem so leisurely when it doesn’t feel any different from work (the travel aspect anyway) !

And, because I’ve traveled continuously for work and for leisure, everything basically blends into each other and the whole past year or two seems like one giant flying blur. It’s pretty unclear to me what, if anything, I’ve accomplished during this time. (other than reaching Platinum and Executive Platinum status).

Back to status though. I seem to have gotten caught up in this whole “moving up in the world” mentality. “Oh, you’re only Platinum? Just wait until you make Executive Platinum” . And I guess this doesn’t just apply to something silly like airline and hotel memberships. It is completely applicable to my career (and potentially my other life choices as well)!

Frighteningly, I seem to be losing sight of my purpose in life.

Instead of living for the eternal, I seem to so easily get caught up in “leveling up” and advancing in the various areas of my life.

Even now, I am thinking about my advancement within my company and where I may potentially end up if I am admitted back to b-school for next fall.

The opportunity exists for me to stay at my firm and “level up” all the way to the top. It would take a few years, lots of sacrifices… but at the end of the day, I could rise through the ranks and maybe become the top dog.

But the nagging question that always remains is… “And then what??”

So what if the airlines/hotels value my business and grant me elite status? Or more substantially, if I continue to do OK at work and move up the corporate hierarchy? Or, if I get accepted to b-school and add another degree and a few letters to the end of my name?

What then?!

Yeah, I don’t really have an answer.

One of my convictions from AMI is that I’ve left God out of the equation in a lot of what I’ve been doing lately. And as much as I realize it and want to change it… I continue to struggle through it. It’s so difficult to turn to God and rely on Him when it feels like I’m OK on my own and I seem to be getting along just fine on my own strengths and abilities. Of course, at the end of the day, it’ll probably prove inadequate… but for the time being, I seem to have done OK…

OK is not good enough though!!

I think I’m seriously concerned that in a few months, I’ll be holding three declines from the schools that I’ve applied to and that I’ll be completely at a loss for what to do next.

Everyone tells me that I’m going to get in. That I’m a good candidate and that there’s no doubt about it. Umm… I beg to differ.

God has had a track record of working strangely in my life. Well, maybe just from my perspective. =)

He has always been faithful and has brought me along to where I am today… and the paths which He has led me down have always been better than the paths that I would’ve chosen for myself.

If I could’ve had it my way, I would not only not have gone to my university but would also probably not be working where I do today. And I’d probably be a lesser person for it!

God sees beyond what I can see… and if I think b-school is next… perhaps God sees something else that is beyond the scope of my vision.

Yet, as much as I want to trust Him… I just want to get it done on my own… I guess this is not the greatest time for me to be second-guessing myself… especially with my first interview coming up at the end of the week…

And perhaps that’s another area that has me thinking… In b-school apps, workplace reviews, etc. humility isn’t really… present? It’s all about me, me me . How I’m awesome. Why I’m so great. How I differentiate myself from others and am better than them. It’s everyone clawing to get to the top and one up everyone else. Yuck.

It’s getting late and I think I best get this wrapped up.

Another conviction from AMI has been that I’ve sacrificed relationships for work/play…

I am completely torn up by AMI… and retreats in general. As much as I love to spend time with my fellow brothers and sisters in both fellowship and worshiping God… it totally sucks when it ends.

After a retreat of spending several days in the constant company of like-minded folks… to have it yanked away
and be cast back into the solitude of the traveling consultant lifestyle??

I think I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m OK with the travel. That I don’t mind it. To focus on that aspect rather than the loss of community.

Actually, I’ve never felt so unplugged as I do now. And, as I consider that I may be leaving NY within the year to go back to school… the reality that I’ve been mostly on my own seems even more pronounced (especially after a conference!) .

I miss college life. Being completely immersed in community. Serving others. Loving others.

I think the highlight of my AMI experience may have been something that may sound rather insignificant and stupid… yet, I felt most alive when I was “serving” my fellow AMIers by making s’mores for them around the bonfire at the beach… Random, huh?

AMI has only been over for a few days… but again, it feels like it was long ago. And I keep thinking about when I’ll be back in school and able to get plugged in again with a local church community and serve again.

I wish there was something I could do today at RWC. More than just Welcoming… more than just attending SG… to be a good steward of all that God has blessed me with.

Or maybe… it’s not time??? There’s a time for everything, right? And perhaps, I’ve brought it upon myself by likening my NY years to the 40 years that the Israelites spent wandering in the wilderness after escaping from Egypt before being allowed to enter the Promised Land… I’ve made it out of Philly but I’ve yet to make it back to California… =)

I guess if that’s the case, the answer is manna … to seek after my daily spiritual bread…

So yeah, haha, with all that on my mind, no time left to discuss my thoughts on Pastor Young’s Aisle of Death . =) Actually, I guess all I have to say is… in due time! For the time being, life is overly complicated as it is with the constant travel demands of my job…

Well, I hope this will be one of those entries I can look back on years from now and be reminded of God’s faithfulness as He brings me through this turbulent period of my life… cuz at the end of the day… I just need to remember that He’s the only constant in my life as I journey the thousands of miles to reach my heavenly goal!!